Because I’ve finally figured out the theme to date of 2016. I only had to say it 100 times, come close to starving to death or sitting in the dark, watch my house fill with water and get kicked in the chest a few times before I got here. But I got here! So here’s my magic phrase of 2016:
“I saw it all way before it happened — I knew better! But when it came to the showdown, I did almost nothing to prevent it from happening.”
There has been a relentless theme this year of re-learning lessons I should have already learned. Anyone who knows me, knows my middle name is “the hard way.” I’m pretty smart but sometimes I take the long way around to get where I’m going. On several occasions this year I have found myself standing in the middle of a hole I’ve dug realizing several, simple, obvious things I could have done that would have avoided the entire mess.
What’s frustrating is that I usually realize those things early enough to skip the entire nightmare but because of exhaustion, laziness, or by just wanting something so badly I choose to ignore all logic and take a running leap off the cliff; my parachute being the notion that if I arrive at the worst case scenario I’ll be strong enough to survive it. And that is almost always where I arrive — most of the time, way ahead of schedule.
It seems the message I’m being sent this year is that I need to slow down and work a little harder to make better choices for myself. Just because some idiot wanders in and says they’re going to pay me for my work on time, give me the best roof at the best price or promises not to betray my trust doesn’t mean I should take them for their word and toss them the keys to my kingdom to destroy at their convenience.
I was blessed with an incredible intuition. I can’t think of a time it was wrong but for some reason I repeatedly choose to ignore it or make decisions like I’m out to prove it wrong. It yearns to protect me and from what I’ve seen, the only person who spends any time trying to disprove it is me.
I think enough has gone wrong that I finally realize I have to start trusting my better judgement even when it’s not always the easiest thing to do at the time. Because what’s the point of killing myself to finish a job just to beg for the compensation I’m due? What good is a roof that’s destroying my home instead of protecting it? What joy is gained from sharing your heart with someone who doesn’t honor and appreciate it?
Guess what I’ve been playing on the piano recently…