My Dear,
Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you and let it devour your remains. For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover.
-Falsely yours
(Charles Bukowski)
I saw this earlier when I was watching Mr. Mercedes, started writing this post and was like meh I’ve already stared at computer screens for too long today. Then I remembered what today was because 15 alarms went off just before midnight reminding me that it was David’s birthday. How could I ever forget in the first place since it’s the day after Dad’s birthday? Well, it’s me. It was always so important to David to be the first one to say happy birthday, his wishes never came in any later than 30 seconds past midnight.
Anyway, I ignored the alarms earlier tonight. Mostly because I didn’t feel like I could handle visiting his Facebook page. Tried to go to sleep and couldn’t so I finally went to his page and wished him happy birthday… You know, because he’ll wake up tomorrow and see it. The worst part is knowing how much he hated and avoided Facebook. But it’s like, well, you didn’t give me many other options and blurting random shit out alone doesn’t always cut it so I guess you’re cursed with this public forum, you Mexican.
I had a reason for starting this post. Three actually. One was because of her shirt, the other was because of the shirt quote on his birthday and the last was this song from the same show. I don’t even know if it’s the song or the look on her fucking face because it so closely represents the feeling that consumes me when it comes to anything David.
God forbid the torrent was up so I didn’t have to post my bootleg cam footage of the clip…
heart