When he was born and I was still in the hospital, mom was directing me to go to bed and I was all, thats impossible because the Liam show is on. In reality, the Liam show was blaring and I was also sitting up watching Lucy in the hospital room; unencumbered for the first time… having previously watched in several states of mind. At that moment, I knew exactly where I was supposed to be. I was fully tuned in. I understood everything for the first time in my life. This was my purpose.
— enter life —
I finally wore him out and got him to bed and got myself to my only semblance of self care for the day… A shower. And cackled the whole time about how he told me to play music on the TV and some shard of my algorithm combined with all the crap he watches to ruin my algorithm met and handed me a song I haven’t heard in a decade that perfectly embodies my daily life as a single parent. Every 50 times I fail him per day ÷ the 100 times he breaks me every day x Me constantly processing the thousand endings… there is nowhere near enough time in the day or psychedelics to process all of this shit.
Consistency is keyyyyyyy
https://photos.app.goo.gl/tpnnufLJwzn3QaKB8
https://photos.app.goo.gl/QA5w4H1racFGZriXA
I’m over here trying to find the convo where I screamed about how I wasn’t uprooting my life for a single other human and if they loved my house as much as I do, they can view the pre-Liam photos of it. I’m done breaking myself to clean for non starting humans and that’s just what it is on a global level.
the scout had me clean with the understanding Liam was undoing it all all in real time and then fumbled the follow up.
Didn’t expect someone to give you more than you are capable of reciprocating. That’s it. Night.